The Holiday Season

The holidays can be a challenging time for some foster and adopted youth. Some struggle with an inner sense of family, because it is the first time they have been away from their biological family. Some struggle with a sense of family because they have never met or no longer even maintain contact their biological families. Others struggle with a sense of belonging, because they are surrounded by unfamiliarity. Maybe traditions have changed. Maybe food has changed. Maybe everything has.

Friends with "ordinary" childhoods can be an added pressure for these foster and adopted youth, because they can be a reminder of what the foster or adopted youth used to have. Even if what they used to have could never or should never be described as “ordinary.” Friends can also be a reminder of what they could have had if circumstances had been different. If their biological family had been “ordinary.” If they had been dealt a different hand.

One of the things Partnerships for Permanence does around the holidays is host a holiday get-together. There is food. Gifts. Laughs. Love. And a whole lot of giving.

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In the past we have used the opportunity as a fundraiser. After all, “‘tis the season of giving.” But this year we are doing something different - a smaller dinner with a renewed focus on what it means to be a family. What it means to have a family. What a family looks like. What a family does or does not do. What a family is. And what a family could be, if you wanted it to be.

Those invited are encouraged to bring some holiday cheer, and treat each other like family, because that is what the holidays are all about. Coming together as a family to do something special. And family is all about supporting each other through the rough times so you can enjoy the special times together.

For most people, family is their first and strongest form of support. Mom and Dad raise them. Grandma and Grandpa help. Aunts and Uncles visit. The list goes on and on. That is what we call a support network and it is something that many foster and adopted youth no longer have once they reach the system. If they manage to still have a support network, it has oftentimes been twisted into something negative. Weaponized into something that can be used against them.

And if you thought networking for your work life was important, imagine not having a support network for your personal life. Or having a toxic one.

Partnerships for Permanence does not host pity parties. But we do believe that sharing is healing. And there is no better time for sharing than the holiday season. Sharing struggles. Sharing accomplishments. Sharing life events. Sharing. And in those moments our holiday get-togethers become a celebration of what it means to be a current or former foster or adopted youth. They become about what we share as a wider community. And they become something we can use to turn what is oftentimes a dismal time of year for foster and adopted youth into something fun. Something real. Something that is missing.

Something good.

Written by: Alexander

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